Dear Dad,
I can’t believe it’s that time of the year again. I never thought it would last. I never thought I would keep writing to you on your birthday. It surprises me a little every year. What is this, 13 years? It’s a long time. I miss you, I love you, I wish you were here.

First and foremost I have to tell that Beth is engaged to John Marshall. And we all love him even Chardie, especially Chardie. He was my coworker. I’m laid off now. He was my friend first, and he loves her. And I love them. Brian hasn’t met him yet but I know he’ll like him. We all do.
I did a portrait of you this year, in my new style.

I’m writing and drawing a comic book. It’s about dreams and where they come from. And I don’t know if it is any good or would ever be published or if it’s even something that will lead to something but I really want to complete it. I really feel like I need to. It’s slow going and I’m plagued with doubts. I don’t know how you wrote your novel. I can’t get through mapping out the story for 32 pages. I did however hit the ¼ mark the other day. So that’s something right?
I keep at hoping that this wisp of a dream pans out. But it’s something I need to do. I think you would respect that. And I think you’d like the story so far. I don’t want to go into on my blog though. This will go public when I’m ready.

As stalled as I sometimes feel on this project, it’s been nice focusing on the creative side of things again. I needed this break to recharge. I can breath again, I don’t panic when I want to draw something. Or sometimes I panic, but not as often or for as long. It’s easier. And my confidence is building in subtle ways that I don’t notice now but will later. It’s the way I draw casually again. When I have an idea, or want to express something vague in my head. Don’t laugh I know that’s how it’s supposed to be! But it’s not. I get drained.

It’ll be two years of yoga this summer! Twice a week. It’s still great, but man oh man my hips will never open! They just ache in and refuse to move in class, I have the hips of a 90 year old woman! It’s terrible. But I keep at it. I am hoping to be part of Nadia’s assessment class this winter. That would be an honor. We love Nadia, she’s in India right now, studying at the Iyengar institute. She’ll be there for a month, and then she’s adopting a baby and will miss the next two months. Which is pretty exciting. But we’ll miss her. Bec however (our Tuesday teacher) will still be there.

We had our first family vacation in years! For mom’s 60th birthday we all went to St. Johns. You would have loved it! It’s so beautiful there. Like paradise. With such beautiful turquoise water and a magical drink they call the lime and coconut. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? You put the lime in the coconut and shake it all up, with a nice virgin island rum! It’s brilliant. Of course Brian and I got into a vicious fight the last night but we patched things up the best way we could. This was not unlike the fight we go onto when he was home for Chris’s wedding. We get along fine on our own but you add another person and it’s shrapnel to the hand grenade. Let’s see how we do at Beth’s wedding ;) I’m just kidding, we always last until the after party.

Barack Obama is president now. He’s doing the best he can. The call this the great recession. It’s pretty bad though. I’m nervous being out of work and all but what can you do? There have been some scary and surreal moments. The other day Obama cam on the air to announce GM going bankrupt, and citing Chrysler’s recent bankruptcy and merging with Fiat (of all companies) as a shining example of hope for the future. It was very Atlas Shrugged. In fact right now everything is very Atlas Shrugged. Which surprisingly isn’t me nay saying Obama. Despite how it sounded, and he certainly didn’t expand on this, the Chrysler Fiat merge could be great. It would give Fiat a bigger foothold in the global market, as they compete with VW, and it could bring some of the fuel efficient Fiat line to America which will provide, us with cars we actually want to drive. So I see how it could work. But it’s still not a good sign. And he’s kept message of hope. Which as it turns out I’m fan of. It’s the fireside chat of the day. Hillary is Secretary of State, and you don’t hear as much about her.

I still dream about you. You still don’t talk in my dreams. Deadmen tell no tales. And I had a dream that I made a piece of art of you. I’m debating whether that will come to fruition or not. I mean it was a little weird and kind of in a way cross dressy as it was a drawing of you as the statue of liberty. I don’t know that that’s how you want to be remembered in life but… it tickles me a bit.

Times have changed Dad, cross dressing is a little more popular and accepted. I had a dream that a handsome man in was wearing a kilt. And I very much desired to uhm… talk to him in my dream. I real longing to talk to him. But alas he eluded me, mores the pity. Anyway, Hadley asked me if he had been wearing eyeliner. I hadn’t noticed in the dream, but In my head I thought, he is now! Because guys in eyeliner and shirts are apealing. Yeah I know, it’s the artist in me, thanks for sharing. Why is it that every time I write your letter I put something in to bother you. I guess it’s to show I haven’t lost my sense of humor.

And the movie recommendation is… Man on Wire. Because it renewed a sense of hope and belief in me. And despite my lack of organized religion, I think everyone wants something to believe in. Whether it’s a sports team, or a politician, or hitching your wagon to someone else’s dream… we all want to believe. It’s about the Frenchman who strung a wire between the twin towers, and walk across it early one morning. It was a classic heist movie, with a hare brain idea and some friends in on the game. But it’s a story told well, with charm and great music, and vision and I suppose some history.

I’m going to Dana’s wedding today. I did the invitations for her wedding, and soon I will do Beth’s invitations. I never thought she’s want a wedding, Beth, not Dana. I was excited that Dana was getting married on your birthday. I thought it was a good sign. It’s a good day.

I really wish you were here right now. I could really use your advice and your unrealistic confidence in me, and your unconditional love. I’m scared and sliding and failing again. And I just want a hug from you in particular. I love you, I miss you! Happy Birthday Dad.

Love,
Kate