Waiting for that moment

Over the years I’ve learned a few things about myself, and although I do learn… there are lessons I feel doomed to repeat each year, especially around Christmas.

I know myself. I know my overly ambitious plans, I know how I work. I come up with ideas about hand crafting mountains of presents, and clever ways to wrap them, and run out of time every year. My plans are always big, pie in sky dreams, beautiful dreams. Generous in nature, ambitious in scale… these dreams warm me though the lengthening nights.

And every year somewhere along the way it happens. Maybe it’s the 20th, the 22nd, or even the 24th …. Somewhere along the way you can find me sitting on the floor at 3am the remnants of my broken dreams strewn about me. That’s when I say “No more.” What ever is done is done. Whatever isn’t won’t be. I can do no more.

What should be a sad moment, a moment of defeat really, a moment of failure sometimes on a spectacular scale… might be one of my favorite moments. It’s the moment I let go.

In that moment I realize somehow everything will be okay. I’ve done enough. This wasn’t my fault. I did my best and really, I did more than I thought I could. My eyes were bigger than my stomach. I can relax. It’s enough.

In the wee hours of the night, so peaceful… so lovely finally I’ll sleep a fitful sleep. The next morning I’ll still try to get more done. But it won’t be as urgent, as frantic. My plans will be more flexible, my schedule less daunting.

So right now, as look at my plate piled a mile high, I think to myself don’t worry, that moment will come. Reality will force itself into my plans but it will be pleasant. .. because it’s the season to be joyful.

Merry Christmas to you...

It's my favorite moment of the year. A moment so sweet, so simple so filled with potential. About to be interrupted. But the moment is even better when shared.

I love to wake up early Christmas morning, when all the word is asleep, turn on the lights of the tree and sit contemplating Christmas thoughts like peace on earth and good will towards man. I like to think about the people I know and love all snug in their beds, dreaming of sugarplums. I like to thing of people whose dreams my come true today when gifts of unbridled generosity may thrill them.

I like to think about Christmas morning and look at the piles of presents and wonder if any of my carefully wrapped presents will thrill my family. I think about my brother in California and hope he has merry Christmas. And I like to think about you too.

There is such sweet serenity at this moment.

Somewhere children are prowling in the dark, waiting for moment when Christmas begins. Somewhere weary parents rest, exhausted but happy with their haul of gifts. Somewhere someone sits thinking about Christmas watching the light of tree in the darkness.


One upon a time my sister and I both did this. We would sit and quietly contemplate how very lucky we were. Thinking to ourselves indeed it is a wonderful life. But sleep and good sense gradually pulled her away form this early morning ritual. And every year that same good sense tightens the covers around me on Christmas morning. But somehow I drag myself up and soon am basking in glorious tranquility of the morning while the rest of the world slumbers. But the world is my oyster right now, and it's easy for me to believe in the spirit of Christmas.

Wishing you all the best this Christmas.